Running a few fashionably late minutes, my friends and I bought a group saver ticket and happened to stumble on to an East Midlands train just in 'time' saving a whole bundle of Earth minutes because it was the flyer straight through to St Pancras. A few spare seats and a distinct lack of human interaction as people sat with their head phones plugged in was nothing unusual for seasoned train goers such as ourselves. The end to this journey though I do not think any of us were prepared for.
After exiting the train we 'bopped' toward the turnstile, acting "bad" reminiscent of Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder from 'Stir Crazy' only to have our tickets rebuffed. Seeking assistance we headed toward a ticket inspector only for him to tell us our tickets were "not valid for East Midlands trains". Having sat in 30 degree heat on a crowded train I was not in the mood to be messed about.
The man stood rather smug explaining we had effectively had a free ride on their East Midlands train and that First Capital connect machines do not give them a penny in revenue. My friends began to argue the point with him but his attitude was one of arrogance. This set me off but before I could get into full flow my friends rained me in hoping their charm would win the man over.
It soon became apparent that this would not be the case.
Round and round in circles we went, the words from the lady the previous day still ringing in my head "time is money" and by now I was ready to explode and wished I had my megaphone because he just was not listening. He summoned his supervisor who was even more inept than the individual we had been dealing with originally. He knew less than his colleague and went around in even smaller circles explaining we had had a free ride. Apparently it was our fault for not reading leaflets around the station as to our rights as a consumer. At what point, when ordering from a machine, did the average consumer have to start hunting around for leaflets at a train station to ensure they could use the ticket for the train they were boarding? We were then told to take the next train back to our point of origin and travel back down on the ticket.
Our entire day was about to be ruined. Dinner and a show, booked and missed because two different actors did not know enough about their own services to let us through their turn style. Anyone would have thought it was their train and the money was coming out of their pockets. Thank you Margaret Thatcher for privatisation. Capitalism is the driving force for innovation and quality services they say. That depends on what side of the barrier you are sat on I guess.
So back on the train we got. I had a mini freak out and decided "in for a penny, in for a pound" and considered jumping the barrier and taking my chances against the overweight kid patrolling the line. If my most recent experiences with the police have taught me nothing else they have taught me that the average cop does not have a chance against the average crook unless they have a dog. But then the doors shut and we were away.
West Hampstead, one stop back, was our chance to turn around and try slipping past. The train pulled up and I decided to sit in First Class, somebody told me I could not sit there but the entire carriage was empty and people were cramming into the adjacent carriage, conforming because society told them too. At the next stop a few people climbed on and I told them they could not sit here because it was First Class so they went to move on to the full carriage.
It is unbelievable to see how well people respond to even a little authority.
I told the people to sit down, it was a happy carriage of non conformists and that they were more than welcome to join us. We would ride our chariot back into St Pancras in style together. They stayed and we had a giggle. Not an ipod in sight, nor fear of swine flu (or some other disease the Government told us we could catch off of someone just by looking at them) and certainly no sign of E.Coli.
Once we docked at St Pancras my little group again bopped like Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, this time even 'badder' than before. I felt a little like Leonardo DiCaprio arriving at the airport at the end of Inception as I showed my ticket and strolled on through the gate.
We had a great day in London, making it on time to all our planned events, but at the back of my mind I knew when we got back home we would be all over that station looking for these so called signs of our contractual agreement.
As we had suspected, and argued against the actors in London, there were no signs. We took step by step pictures of the ticket machine and one of the group with a degree in Law made a typically 'British' phone call the next day to both First Capital Connect and East Midlands trains to complain. Unsurprisingly they told us we were correct and that their staff were wrong.
Another fine example of the great British service industry.
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